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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23119864">Healing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherryFlight/pseuds/CherryFlight'>CherryFlight</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>SWTOR: The Reflections Legacy [19]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Gen, M/M, Past Brainwashing, Their names aren't finalized yet, and I don't have Kessa's full name, like Eighty will eventually find a name that sounds like a name, new OCs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 05:54:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,647</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23119864</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherryFlight/pseuds/CherryFlight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Natirru meets a fellow former Intelligence agent</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Male Imperial Agent | Cipher Nine/Male Smuggler, Pairing Between Original Characters</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>SWTOR: The Reflections Legacy [19]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1643305</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Healing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="body-text">
  <p>“Cipher N- …Agent Natirru, sir?”</p>
  <p>A former colleague, then, between accent and forgotten title, not to mention the insistence on whatever formality she could add to a Chiss core name.  But she sounded hesitant, almost afraid.  Natirru turned to look over his shoulder and was mildly surprised to see the tall woman approaching him with nervous, defensive posture - shoulders hunched, fidgeting with her fingers - was a red-skinned Zabrak.  She couldn’t have been stationed at headquarters, he would have noticed another nonhuman.  Maybe she was purely a field agent.  Maybe she wasn’t former Imperial Intelligence at all and had been hired on at <em>Sith</em> Intelligence by Lana after Revan’s defeat.  But if that were the case, she wouldn’t be most familiar with him as Cipher Nine, would she?</p>
  <p>He turned to face her as she came to a stop, her eyes flicking away from his in what appeared to be shame, cheeks heating up to match.  Like many from the Imperial military, she hadn’t abandoned her uniform, and its impeccable crisp and clean state seemed to clash with her clearly frayed nerves.</p>
  <p>“Something’s the matter.  Are you all right, agent…?”</p>
  <p>“Eighty, sir.  I, er- I have a confession, and- I don’t know if you care, but my wife <em>insists </em>I get this off my chest , and-”</p>
  <p>Natirru gently raised a hand to interrupt her, and spoke softly.  The poor thing was only working herself up further.  "It’s all right, Eighty - is it all right if I drop the title?  Be honest.“</p>
  <p>"Of course, it’s- it’s habit, and-um…”  With a shaky breath that brought a quiver to her voice instead of calm, she blurted out, “I brought the supplies to the medcenter on Tatooine!  The chemicals, the serum, for the Castellan restraints!  I didn’t know who they were for or what they were, but when I found out I-…”</p>
  <p>Natirru stared on, partially stunned by the rush of memories that swirled chaotically now in the forefront of his mind, all the sick feelings from slicing his way into the medcenter’s security footage to find <em>that moment</em>, that moment that stole part of him away for a time.  But aside from all that, Eighty (formerly <em>Fixer</em>, maybe?) - who had been kept in the dark, just a middleman - had burst into tears, what little composure she’d had completely broken.  It had been years.  Had she struggled with it all this time?</p>
  <p>“You-…”  He closed his eyes, swallowed his own remembered pain and it went down like a lump of smoldering coal.  Despite it, he tried a comforting smile when he opened his eyes again.  "You didn’t know, Eighty, it’s-“ he stopped himself from saying it was <em>all right</em>, and said instead, ”-not something I could ever blame you for.  If it’s forgiveness you need, consider it given.  Don’t tear yourself apart for your role in what happened to me.  I certainly wouldn’t.“</p>
  <p>She drew back slightly, arms crossed tightly over her chest, fingernails digging into her forearms.  Part of him instinctively wanted to reach out and comfort her, but she didn’t look like she could handle being touched right now.</p>
  <p>"Do you want me to give you space, Eighty?”</p>
  <p>She shook her head vehemently.  "No-, no, I’m, I’ll be all right.  It’s just, if I knew, I would have tried not to.“</p>
  <p>”‘Tried’ - you’ve undergone conditioning, yourself.“</p>
  <p>"Yes-” she nodded, movements exaggerated still.  "-yes, I’ve been through it, too, that’s why! I don’t have another name anymore.  I don’t know what happened to encourage that, to erase who I’d been.  I went looking once, and found it, but then my head- it felt like there were drills in my brain trying to bore out through my eyes.“  Natirru winced at the visceral description, but allowed her to continue.  "I passed out from the pain, and couldn’t remember what I’d read.  …I don’t think I want to anymore.”</p>
  <p>“I wouldn’t either, Eighty.  I’m sorry that happened to you.”  He’d found bits of records, sifting through what he could access without suspicion to give to Kothe, but no matter how many agents lost everything they’d been before, it hurt no less to see or hear.</p>
  <p>“It can’t hold a candle to what I helped do to you.”</p>
  <p>“It’s not a competition.  They hurt us both.”  He extended a hand in a silent offer, and she stepped back.  He let his hand fall at his side, and took a step back, himself.  "That they used you to hurt me doesn’t mean that your pain is lesser, or that it was your fault.“</p>
  <p>"Kessa always tells me that, too.”</p>
  <p>It took him a moment to recall she’d mentioned a wife. His mental capabilities weren’t what they used to be (though regular exercises had helped once he’d noticed), and he knew the trauma they shared was to blame.  More that the Imperial system had stolen. “It sounds like you’ve married a very wise woman.”</p>
  <p>Finally, a smile pulled her mouth from its distressed grimace, faint at the edges of her lips.  "She’s trying to help me spell my name like a name…calling myself by another name triggers severe vertigo and nausea, so…“ The smile took on a touch of pained irony, reflected so strongly in her voice it was like a needle to his heart.  "I can’t even take her last name.”</p>
  <p>Natirru had the sinking feeling she’d perhaps lost herself in a cover identity.  Or maybe, like him, had preferred life undercover, but had failed at hiding it.  And without knowing exactly how her conditioning had been set, trying to overwrite that programming with something else risked a possibly fatal reaction.  He’d learned exactly what he’d been conditioned with.  She’d been prevented from forming that memory if she ever found out.</p>
  <p>Had his success inspired that failsafe in her?  Was that <em>his </em>fault?  The hypocrisy of his self-blame registered on a logical level alone, faintly, and slipped away in the tide of guilt, before he finally remembered she’d been conditioned <em>before </em>he had.  It didn’t diminish the pain he felt on her behalf.</p>
  <p>“I’m so sorry.”</p>
  <p>“It’s…it’s all past now.  Besides, you’ve-…no.  No, it’s.  It’s not a competition.  It’s not a competition.”  She took a deep breath again, and this time it seemed to steady her somewhat.  "I think hearing that from you helped.  Thank you.“</p>
  <p>"Of course.  If there’s anything else I can do…”</p>
  <p>“No, thank you.  You’ve done enough, and I’m already late reporting to Agent Shan on the movements of the Exchange…”</p>
  <p>“Theron won’t mind you being a little late, especially for something like this.  I can vouch for you if I have to.”</p>
  <p>At the use of Theron’s first name, she smiled wanly.  "You really do have a foot in both worlds, sir.  A little like an Imperial, a little Republic… I’m glad I put my faith in this Alliance.“</p>
  <p>"So am I.  You don’t have to call me 'sir’.”</p>
  <p>“I know, sir.  Um…”  She grimaced at that, and looked back up at him.  "Commander Solari tries to run the Eternal Alliance like we’re one big family.  I can’t say that doesn’t appeal to me.  Just give me time…sir.  Please.“</p>
  <p>"Of course.”</p>
  <p>“All right, then.  Er…thank you for listening to me.  It was nice to meet you in person, sir.”</p>
  <p>“Likewise, Eighty.”</p>
  <p>Natirru stepped aside slightly to let her pass by, and after an awkward moment, she rushed for the entrance to the base.  A fully-armored Mandalorian woman, as tall as she was but seeming taller for her more confident posture, pulled Eighty aside with a gentle hand on her arm.  They spoke too quietly for Natirru to hear, and then Eighty uncoiled from her hunched posture to rest her forehead against the woman’s helmet.  They held that position for a moment, before the Mandalorian - Kessa, Natirru presumed - released Eighty, who continued to the lift with a much more relaxed gait.</p>
  <p>Natirru met the Mandalorian with a smile as she approached him, which grew even warmer as he noticed the multitude of little scratches in her helmet from her wife’s horns.  The show and sign of unconditional affection soothed his own dredged-up hurt much like it seemed to have helped Eighty.</p>
  <p>“Kessa, I take it?”</p>
  <p>“That’s right.  Glad she finally got up the nerve to talk to you.  Thanks for being gentle with her.  She needed that.”</p>
  <p>“As if I could be otherwise.  It wasn’t her fault.”</p>
  <p>“Yeah, I know.  But troubled minds like to lash out against these things.  Helps to have some extra firepower for the internal fight, you know?”</p>
  <p>“I know.”</p>
  <p>“Make sure you and your husband talk to each other too, about everything you’ve gone through, all right?  No one really talks about it, but you’ve been through a lot.”</p>
  <p>Not sure what to make of suddenly being on the receiving end of a nurturing nature like his own, Natirru paused, floundering for an appropriate response.</p>
  <p>“I…appreciate the thought, Kessa.  Thank you.”</p>
  <p>“Are <em>all </em>you former Intelligence types like this?”  He got the distinct feeling she’d just rolled her eyes at him, but couldn’t tell for sure.  He couldn’t even properly make out her facial heat and he wondered what her armor was made of. “Our leaders have got to be healthy.”</p>
  <p>He couldn’t help but laugh.  "Have you ever considered filling your pack with kolto instead of flamethrower fuel?“</p>
  <p>"Not for me,” Kessa said.  "I do my healing with words.  Or, I try to anyway. So - don’t forget to support each other, okay?“</p>
  <p>He thought of the way his and Abric’s relationship was built on being able to <em>be themselves</em> around each other even at a time when they couldn’t, for whatever reason, be so for anyone else.  </p>
  <p>"We do, trust me.”</p>
  <p>“Good.  Want to join a round at the proving grounds?  There’s a spot left in Gold Squad and the Commander sent me to invite you.”</p>
  <p>“I’d love to.”</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Absolutely <i>not</i> my best (in fact, my worst so far in this fandom), but I posted it to Tumblr so it's going here too, for the sake of being thorough.  I apologize for the quality.  Don't rush your fics, folks!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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